Rachel's Online School Info Dump from November 6, 2020

Coping with Online School During Covid 19

I have so much going on right now that I don’t know where to begin. Everything seems to come up at once, but then it just keeps coming and never stops. My mind can’t process it all, so I freeze and if I come to enough to know something I need to finish, I’m left scrambling.

When I’m not frozen, my technology is. Rural wifi is terrible, but ours got worse when Silo sold to Xplorenet. We’re in between two municipalities, but still can’t seem to find internet service.

This just adds to my stress because the pandemic moved my college education online. My imposter syndrome comes up more often now. I was struggling to do this program in person, how am I ever going to complete it and do well now?!

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Update: March 2021

Wow. I was really not okay, was I? The internet is definitely a huge issue, especially since the pandemic and lockdowns became a thing. I ended up acing the two classes I was most interested in, but the others... not so much. I have been told to take a break and return in September, which I am not overly mad about.

This year has shown me, probably more than 2020, how fast life can change. I was grateful for the pandemic in 2020. It allowed me to retreat more into myself and remove other's expectations from me because we were all in "unprecedented times" and grace was given in abundance. It has also revealed how hostile modern society is to neurodivergent people. To anyone unfamiliar with that term, it is an umbrella term used to describe anyone whose brain functions differently from what is considered "normal". It covers everyone from autistic to mentally ill individuals. I personally fall under the "mentally ill" part. I do not function well with all the noise, expectations, and pressure society produces for me to be a "well-functioning adult". It is a good day when I remember to brush my teeth in the morning, forget about a corporate job!